Those great friends -1

The following are excerpts of conversations/one liners/words of wisdom Ive had the privilege to share with few of my friends.It's a one sided-one para conversation.So there won't be any I in it.They are just outcomes during some crucial moments of a casual conversations.Though I'm against the concept of being influenced by anyone or anything( though Im helpless in some situations), I strongly believe that everyone has at least one friend whose spoken word has the power to trigger a volcano of thoughts in your mind.I'm lucky, for I have quite a few of them....Those great friends

Sometimes, Life suddenly replicates itself into a game of chess.You have to play it alone.The more minds you bring in, the harder you screw the game up.Forget the notion of the opponent.The opponent is just a tough situation you have to deal with.By and large,It  then becomes a sequence of interconnected decisions you take- decisions whose source must be the same mind- your mind.Imagine yourself in one crucial moment of the game.You are confused.A guy you know walking past you notices that you are playing.He accosts you or vice verse.And suddenly after observing the situation you' re in, he suggests a move, which apparently is a smart one, and walks away.You use the move and are out of a crisis situation temporarily.Good.But when another such situation pops up again, unknowingly you find yourself waiting for another passerby. Is that how you go buy in your life?

Sometimes, life tries hard to make you someone you don't wanna be.

You know what? Truth is a very tough thing to accept and digest.Once you're over it then you start living without fear and insecurity.We are all gifted with the power of choice.Very few execute it.We often know the right choice, it comes from the center-the heart.We know the wrong ones, most of which are outta fear, and they come from the periphery, from the corners and you get the feeling they are closing in on you.That's why you surrender. But God is still kind.He sends Musicians, writers and film makers to Earth to give us a glimpse of people " who lived", to show us that we can live instead of survive, we can earn instead of getting paid, we can be happy instead of being relieved.But Oh boy! No we don't, we carry on with our mundane lives and bring up the borrowed ideas of those works to suit the context of conversation at social gatherings or cocktail parties.To impress others.To just give an idea to others that we are in someway different than others.No we are not.Just because we have a set of different thoughts in the mind doesn't make us different.Those thoughts are are in the recycle bin of our system.Useless they are. You do know the GIGO principle.Garbage-in -Garbage out.Feed in fear and lies, collect a fucked up man at the other end.

     To be continued..

Open letter to the future.

Dear Me of the future,

Hope this letter finds you happy, at least now.Don't tell me you are again sacrificing something for a better future.Seriously, consider how old you are before doing any of those insane actions.Hope you have as many friends as I have now.FYI This letter can be strictly discussed with everyone who never liked , didn't like and probably will never like their jobs, but are still doing in the hope that something good will happen as they are sacrificing a few things for a bigger cause.I can never say how you feel there, ahead in time.But I will tell you my current state of affairs.6 months into job after college, I definitely should feel this way.

I don't know where to start.As of now, I don't think I'm wrong, for I am writing down exactly what I feel.You see, Life is like an anonymous poem.You live it the way you interpret.There is nothing like wrong interpretation.There is just interpretation.Believe me, if the other person is speaking something that is simultaneously making sense and destroying all your belief systems, you are witnessing a mental Tsunami, which is eating away everything you've ever cultivated.It happens.It did happen.You know there is no answer as to who should be happy- You or I?the age-old question, which appears unanswerable.However, I would dare to speak of this thing- Job-This obsessive part-time (slavery for few/ limbo for many/obligation for many more) activity that determines so many things in my life.Fighting for what you want is one thing and wanting to fight for what you love is another, which seriously,is nothing.I'm afraid I'm adept at the latter one.I'm supposed to do all this so that you can be happy.Are you really happy?

Everyone's crazy about job experience, which is the quantum equivalent to the amount of bullshit you can tolerate.They say,the more the job experience I have, the more difficulties I've faced, the greater patience I have, the greater decision making ability I possess.BOTTOMLINE- the more the job experience, the lesser my brain's ability to detect bullshit, the lesser the speed with which my intuitive thoughts get converted to actions, the lesser attention I pay to my heart.Naah.Don't convince me.

It's like slow poison.It is started off by letting you know that it is going to be a little difficult at first.But you are distracted.You are literally blinded to the initial warning as you are busy looking at the ostentatious food and accommodation and eventually, the first paycheck. You are curious George." Ah 2 years, somehow easily I can work here, the work experience is important.Yes, whether I like it or not, I should work, because work ex is important.Someone is gonna write good recos for me.I like it or not, I should please him".There starts your compromise, which will pile up one by one on one another.Technically you are expanding your comfort zone.Actually, you are trying to relax in a cage.Technically, you are mixing well with people.Actually, you are trying hard to be one of them.Technically, it's a learning experience.Actually it's utter nonsense.You are giving away living for surviving.Yeah, pick any bird, snatch away it's ability to fly, put him on the land, give him some bird food,and ask how he's doing.Hardships and challenges must be there alright.But picking your battles is what the thing depends on.

" Boy you are frustrated, aren't you? Everyone tells me.What can I do? I do this thing called thinking . And Positive or negative, I'm good at it \m/ .Waiting for a Saturday or Sunday your whole life definitely isn't a very good idea of spending life, is it? Go with the flow it will get you somewhere. Did anyone notice that I was pushed into the river in the first place??

What happened to our mutual friend from the past in college?We both know that his impressions haven't left us.We both know we don't like being bossed around.We both know we are audaciously arrogant.We both know that I may not be and you definitely aren't what he was in matters which matter.Are you married? If yes, were you at least a man enough to marry the girl you wanted.?Nupe I think.You must have, I guess, for you-in my imagination- are society's perfect guy, married your female counterpart- the perfect girl .Do
you know why I am so skeptical about your happiness? Well if you ain't happy now, you must know why.

Wish I knew your answer.The irony you see, you can hear my echoes but I can neither see nor hear you.Whatever I do now will affect you, whereas I'm untouchable in a weirdly logical way.

-I of the NOW!!

The s-p-L-i-t eGo

The most terrible of all things that can happen to you is never visible.Well, it is neither contextual nor absolute.It is rather something that is impossible to corner and define.It is felt when all your thoughts fight among one another to stand out and fill the void of a decision.It is when each idea refutes another and all are right, that you reach the ultimate dead-end.

It did happen to me, and does to this day.One such example is glaring at me right now.We are aware of people who were passionate about something and ended up becoming something else( reasons being family problems, monetary issues and so on) , and are still successful.To begin with, I've always thought, " How can they live with that?"Is there no Ego in them? If you view them through Ayn Rand's lens, they are visible as the second-handers( no need to explain as the term itself is weird).In the conventional thinker's view, they are great, for they have sacrificed their dreams for a higher purpose.Fine! nothing wrong in it.The former perspective has a "self" , while the latter doesn't have a "self",is the inference gathered.To make it brutal, replace the "self" with ego.

I've seriously pondered my brains over to decide who is right.I then realized there was no right or wrong, there was only Ego,and what all mattered to it.Though it is stereotyped to be an arrogant word,common sense says it isn't.I'd say the ego is split into 2 domains.The ego-in-itself and the ego of presence.The unintended inference of my theory is that everyone who breathes in and out suffers from possesses a split personality: Each facet driven by the respective egos.( Magnitudes don't matter)

When you are alone in your mental space and when the only person you want to impress is yourself, the ego-in-itself drapes your personality.However when you are in a group, or an organization, or competition or when there is a hell of a crowd in your mind space,you are at first coerced to and later accustomed to wear the mask of the ego-of-presence, which appears when you step outta your skin outta insecurity or any other authentic driving factors, and forays into the space that divides one man from another.This act of stepping out is at first very gingerly but it is applauded and praised which gives you instant happiness, as drugs do.You are high, you want more.Like all addicts, you eventually reach a point where it doesn't work anymore.You get stagnated, the journey back to yourself is too damn hard.So a successful stock broker who always wanted to be a musician might toil hard during day, but might quietly slip back into himself in the silence of the night and play a song to his suppressed dream .Anyway, it is the constant competition between the two ego-traits and the pattern of wins and defeats that illuminate your character.

You might get fed up with the 2nd trait but you can never be de-obsessed with the ego-in itself.That's how it is,All my life I've seen the 2nd trait to be predominant in almost all the people I know.The remaining few are of course,not really making their presence felt but rather feeling their own presence and smiling at themselves.


PS. Ego is cliched.Agreed.

Middle finger

Well, I have thought over many things to write on.History repeats itself, and so do thoughts themselves especially if they confront you during times of boredom when you are all yours.Hence I shamelessly, and proudly bring forth the point that I repeat myself.For perfection, you can say.The one or two who read what I write ask me, “ what is it you wanna convey? Why do you keep exaggerating so much?”


Of course I didn’t have an answer.But I did find traces of it in here : Man is a mystery: if you spend your entire life trying to puzzle it out, then do not say that you have wasted your time. I occupy myself with this mystery, because I want to be a man.
And I want everyone of you to scream your ass off against everyone and everything.We do it all the time.I just want you to admit it, at least once.I hate this world


So this is it folks. This is the world I know, the world where in I do NOT understand anything, anything at all. The world which always appears confused no matter from whose point of view I try to observe .Let this world go to hell, ASAP.Let 2012 go down as 2011 in history books, if there are any left in the embers of the eagerly awaited disaster. Let all the people who are squeezing their way through the overcrowded competitive race die in a stampede .Let me have fun in the stands ,watching them stumble over and crush one another. Logically speaking, if there is a race course for these people, in case of emergency they can break their way to freedom from the edges of the track, but they won’t, for they never identified an option of slipping away from the choking contest. Their Hobson's choice was only to drift along and change gears .And moreover, with their degrees of freedom subjected to larceny,what else could they do? Fuck ‘em. They deserve to die as much as I deserve to watch it happen.

Up until now the social networking website Facebook, had gone through 3 stages.Firstly It was praised all over before people started voraciously using it.Secondly,having grown sick with all the “likes” and “comments” and other virtual fuck-ups, users started pointing fingers at Facebook for all the altercations, misunderstandings, WTFs and primarily their low self esteems.Lastly, they began to curse Facebook that it’s addictive and is ‘spoiling’ today’s youth .As you can see, Facebook has always been fine, it’s the USERS that are fucked.Look at their walls, look how desperately they crave for attention, look how cow-dung soaked the walls are.

You can refute a scientist’s experiment by juxtaposing the results with the facts available.Yes, tell him they’re wrong and he wont feel bad.He’ll go back to work and try harder.On the contrary attack anyone’s belief system with logic and reason, he’s after your ass to either convince you or kill you.Everyone must try to be a scientist.I don’t mean all and sundry should go get chocked up in a lab.A man should always go by reason and not by his feelings.This is Ayn Rand shit alright.But not heavy,not difficult.Just Common sense.Have you observed how people jump with fury/break into tears when you ‘hurt’ their feelings? I mean the little things that aren’t worth the fuck, the little things that destabilize people in a split second and make them do stupid things they later whine over.People twist around, you know..they say, “ you have no idea how I feel”..Of course I don’t, assholes.Ask them ‘Why’ they feel- the imaginary premise on which the feelings are based, and if the why is clarified, the how is justified.Most of them keep acting on whim of ‘how’,repent over and over, and blame on feelings.If you are feeling contrition every time, why don’t you change your ‘why’? You wont and don’t wanna.Why would you want to? Because feelings are important.You can get away with them.To hell’s core with these emotional parasites!!

I'm done and dont care about ending this in a conventional hierarchial way an article does.Fuck the conventions, too.

PS. I have deliberately used the word ‘Fuck’ because I think it is a powerful word, powerful on its very usage.It’s the suppression of the word that gives it the power.The more you use, the more raised  eyebrows and jaw droppings, and eventually the less powerful it becomes.

Thus spoke Atreya

If you do NOT have any concrete thoughts up your head and if you happen to like writing, your words would be no different than mine.Well,staying idle is stereotyped as being jobless, which is supposedly a crime according to people older than 25.On the contrary if you put that up as your status on facebook, no wonder you will be flooded with comments.Man! Life would be so simple without facebook

Just close your eyes and tune in to your past.I see myself struggling through trivia, trying to memorize shit and working way too hard(or pretending) to impress my parents with good marks. Now I stand in awe and wonder, “ What the hell was that?Now that I think education system sucks, why couldn’t I pursue something else? Was it because I wasn’t aware of anything else?”.Yeah, may be, but I think what I went through was just a formality that every Indian kid has to go through.Well, making your parents happy must be one of the concerns, but not the sole. And everything in life is complementary , or mutually dependant. If I hadn’t listened to my parents 6 years ago, life wouldn’t be the same now- better or worse, take it from me, definitely not the same.

One of the things which frequently pops up in the head during a period of idleness is “Life. career. Ambition” .Only they forgot to add ‘Crap’ at the end. I go nuts when someone asks me about my career, for I go deeper into the abyss of confusion as I try to fathom the conventions.I feel it is all about projecting happiness into the future. Missing today? I can’t afford that. I’d rather be pleased if someone asks about my love. I drop “ career objectives”, “ targets” and other big words and pick up “thoughts” for a vivid understanding of myself. They say, ‘ If you work hard now, you’ll enjoy the future ’.I say, ‘ Whatever you do now, in one way or the other, you will suffer in future’, for if I work hard , I will certainly reach where I want to, I’ll be happy, I’ll enjoy attention for a while, but its short lived. Can’t live with that my whole life, can I? What next? I get bored , and eventually  look up at another target, or am coerced to, and start it all over again. Running around in circles bumping into suffering and happiness now and then, repeatedly, with boredom and desire being  constant companions- that’s life, or a very mean way of describing it.

Love. Oh yeah! This shit tangles up everything in the mind, doesn’t it? Yes, of course because we have a very obsessive understanding of the word Love .It is typically presumed that the lover must be solely yours. Yours? Sounds so ungrateful.What is she? Your play station? She isn’t morally obligated to you in any way. She just happens to love you, nothing more, nothing less. The relationship vibe that’s created around you creates an illusion, of love, of ostentation. And the sad part is- you begin to dream in that illusion, and eventually become insecure. The very thought that your girlfriend is giggling while talking to another guy on the phone irks you, doesn’t it? People call it possessiveness, a few call it low self esteem, most of them secretly tag it to insecurity and I call it foolishness and meaningless.

Music is man’s best creation. It is the only thing that is still as pristine as it was from its inception. It was, is and will be too good for man to tamper with. Fuck the nuclear weapons!Any state of mind you are in- gloomy or merry ,tensed or vexed, peaceful or in a quandary, you are not alone, there is a piece of music which was created for you, and is waiting to be played to intensify your emotions.Only then you will realize that the feeling was worth it.

So that was that.Excerpts from the mind.