LoVe.EgO.

                                

He was at the table, rocking his chair to and fro,unaware of when to pause his train of uncontrolled thoughts as they crossed his mind. Well, they did when the rocking stopped. He dragged himself towards the table, switched on his laptop and began to write.

*****,

This letter is not written to dwell on how beautiful or sexy or alluring or whatever they say you are. And I am not bent on impressing you either. My primary purpose is to put forward my opinions, if feeling is the word I’d like to ignore at the moment. You know, we’ve been friends for quite a while. It didn’t take me much time to figure out that I was in no position to control the momentum of our friendship; though I was happy I had you to pal around with. At times, I thought to bring you round to this point .But I was naïve, to elaborate- scared that you might mistake me for another of those birds of a feather. Call it ego or stubbornness, I was adamant not to admit this to you. I convinced myself to defer it for a while. By and by, I thought you might, at least at some point of time during our conversations, sense the bloody thing. But I could feel your indifference. And yet, you talked to me about everything- the stuff usually no guy in his right mind would want to listen. But I did, for as long as you talked, I rejoiced.

I could no longer hold back the strange emotion as it inundated my mind at a stretch. I thought maybe this was the time to set aside some part of me and proceed. It was in the few moments around that nick of time that I decided to tell you. And when I did, the way I told you and the manner in which you perceived, I could hear the answer in my mind before you spoke the clichéd words, “I never thought of you in that way, I thought we were friends”. I remember the awkward silence that crept between us. It made me think we would never be friends again. But this is where you confused me. You broke the ice and accosted me right away. So that was that. We talked more thereafter and the graph never went down, and above all, I wanted to confess it you again, perhaps till you acknowledged it.

As long as I was speaking with you, It was peaceful in the limbo. I wasn’t going to give way. I was mentally strong, or at least I thought so. Jealousy was one of the predominant things that controlled me at times, especially when you talked about other guys. That, of course is genuine but I didn’t like the way I was being controlled. “Fuck! this is not me”, I verified. For certain, I was an arrogant, adamant, never yielding kind of guy who was tagged with the most stereotyped word ‘Attitude”. But everything seemed to shatter in front of you. You eventually did see through and in no time questioned my intentions. ‘Clarity’ was what you demanded. Well, I’ll tell you what, I don’t want to beat about the bush anymore, it’s high time I called a spade a spade. And that certainly goes with my intentions. Yet you question again. Why don’t you stop interrogating and start rejoicing at the fact that there is a guy who loves you so much and is so scared to trouble you that he isn’t expecting anything from you.

Yours whatever,

He stopped….