The s-p-L-i-t eGo

The most terrible of all things that can happen to you is never visible.Well, it is neither contextual nor absolute.It is rather something that is impossible to corner and define.It is felt when all your thoughts fight among one another to stand out and fill the void of a decision.It is when each idea refutes another and all are right, that you reach the ultimate dead-end.

It did happen to me, and does to this day.One such example is glaring at me right now.We are aware of people who were passionate about something and ended up becoming something else( reasons being family problems, monetary issues and so on) , and are still successful.To begin with, I've always thought, " How can they live with that?"Is there no Ego in them? If you view them through Ayn Rand's lens, they are visible as the second-handers( no need to explain as the term itself is weird).In the conventional thinker's view, they are great, for they have sacrificed their dreams for a higher purpose.Fine! nothing wrong in it.The former perspective has a "self" , while the latter doesn't have a "self",is the inference gathered.To make it brutal, replace the "self" with ego.

I've seriously pondered my brains over to decide who is right.I then realized there was no right or wrong, there was only Ego,and what all mattered to it.Though it is stereotyped to be an arrogant word,common sense says it isn't.I'd say the ego is split into 2 domains.The ego-in-itself and the ego of presence.The unintended inference of my theory is that everyone who breathes in and out suffers from possesses a split personality: Each facet driven by the respective egos.( Magnitudes don't matter)

When you are alone in your mental space and when the only person you want to impress is yourself, the ego-in-itself drapes your personality.However when you are in a group, or an organization, or competition or when there is a hell of a crowd in your mind space,you are at first coerced to and later accustomed to wear the mask of the ego-of-presence, which appears when you step outta your skin outta insecurity or any other authentic driving factors, and forays into the space that divides one man from another.This act of stepping out is at first very gingerly but it is applauded and praised which gives you instant happiness, as drugs do.You are high, you want more.Like all addicts, you eventually reach a point where it doesn't work anymore.You get stagnated, the journey back to yourself is too damn hard.So a successful stock broker who always wanted to be a musician might toil hard during day, but might quietly slip back into himself in the silence of the night and play a song to his suppressed dream .Anyway, it is the constant competition between the two ego-traits and the pattern of wins and defeats that illuminate your character.

You might get fed up with the 2nd trait but you can never be de-obsessed with the ego-in itself.That's how it is,All my life I've seen the 2nd trait to be predominant in almost all the people I know.The remaining few are of course,not really making their presence felt but rather feeling their own presence and smiling at themselves.


PS. Ego is cliched.Agreed.

Middle finger

Well, I have thought over many things to write on.History repeats itself, and so do thoughts themselves especially if they confront you during times of boredom when you are all yours.Hence I shamelessly, and proudly bring forth the point that I repeat myself.For perfection, you can say.The one or two who read what I write ask me, “ what is it you wanna convey? Why do you keep exaggerating so much?”


Of course I didn’t have an answer.But I did find traces of it in here : Man is a mystery: if you spend your entire life trying to puzzle it out, then do not say that you have wasted your time. I occupy myself with this mystery, because I want to be a man.
And I want everyone of you to scream your ass off against everyone and everything.We do it all the time.I just want you to admit it, at least once.I hate this world


So this is it folks. This is the world I know, the world where in I do NOT understand anything, anything at all. The world which always appears confused no matter from whose point of view I try to observe .Let this world go to hell, ASAP.Let 2012 go down as 2011 in history books, if there are any left in the embers of the eagerly awaited disaster. Let all the people who are squeezing their way through the overcrowded competitive race die in a stampede .Let me have fun in the stands ,watching them stumble over and crush one another. Logically speaking, if there is a race course for these people, in case of emergency they can break their way to freedom from the edges of the track, but they won’t, for they never identified an option of slipping away from the choking contest. Their Hobson's choice was only to drift along and change gears .And moreover, with their degrees of freedom subjected to larceny,what else could they do? Fuck ‘em. They deserve to die as much as I deserve to watch it happen.

Up until now the social networking website Facebook, had gone through 3 stages.Firstly It was praised all over before people started voraciously using it.Secondly,having grown sick with all the “likes” and “comments” and other virtual fuck-ups, users started pointing fingers at Facebook for all the altercations, misunderstandings, WTFs and primarily their low self esteems.Lastly, they began to curse Facebook that it’s addictive and is ‘spoiling’ today’s youth .As you can see, Facebook has always been fine, it’s the USERS that are fucked.Look at their walls, look how desperately they crave for attention, look how cow-dung soaked the walls are.

You can refute a scientist’s experiment by juxtaposing the results with the facts available.Yes, tell him they’re wrong and he wont feel bad.He’ll go back to work and try harder.On the contrary attack anyone’s belief system with logic and reason, he’s after your ass to either convince you or kill you.Everyone must try to be a scientist.I don’t mean all and sundry should go get chocked up in a lab.A man should always go by reason and not by his feelings.This is Ayn Rand shit alright.But not heavy,not difficult.Just Common sense.Have you observed how people jump with fury/break into tears when you ‘hurt’ their feelings? I mean the little things that aren’t worth the fuck, the little things that destabilize people in a split second and make them do stupid things they later whine over.People twist around, you know..they say, “ you have no idea how I feel”..Of course I don’t, assholes.Ask them ‘Why’ they feel- the imaginary premise on which the feelings are based, and if the why is clarified, the how is justified.Most of them keep acting on whim of ‘how’,repent over and over, and blame on feelings.If you are feeling contrition every time, why don’t you change your ‘why’? You wont and don’t wanna.Why would you want to? Because feelings are important.You can get away with them.To hell’s core with these emotional parasites!!

I'm done and dont care about ending this in a conventional hierarchial way an article does.Fuck the conventions, too.

PS. I have deliberately used the word ‘Fuck’ because I think it is a powerful word, powerful on its very usage.It’s the suppression of the word that gives it the power.The more you use, the more raised  eyebrows and jaw droppings, and eventually the less powerful it becomes.