Open letter to the future.

Dear Me of the future,

Hope this letter finds you happy, at least now.Don't tell me you are again sacrificing something for a better future.Seriously, consider how old you are before doing any of those insane actions.Hope you have as many friends as I have now.FYI This letter can be strictly discussed with everyone who never liked , didn't like and probably will never like their jobs, but are still doing in the hope that something good will happen as they are sacrificing a few things for a bigger cause.I can never say how you feel there, ahead in time.But I will tell you my current state of affairs.6 months into job after college, I definitely should feel this way.

I don't know where to start.As of now, I don't think I'm wrong, for I am writing down exactly what I feel.You see, Life is like an anonymous poem.You live it the way you interpret.There is nothing like wrong interpretation.There is just interpretation.Believe me, if the other person is speaking something that is simultaneously making sense and destroying all your belief systems, you are witnessing a mental Tsunami, which is eating away everything you've ever cultivated.It happens.It did happen.You know there is no answer as to who should be happy- You or I?the age-old question, which appears unanswerable.However, I would dare to speak of this thing- Job-This obsessive part-time (slavery for few/ limbo for many/obligation for many more) activity that determines so many things in my life.Fighting for what you want is one thing and wanting to fight for what you love is another, which seriously,is nothing.I'm afraid I'm adept at the latter one.I'm supposed to do all this so that you can be happy.Are you really happy?

Everyone's crazy about job experience, which is the quantum equivalent to the amount of bullshit you can tolerate.They say,the more the job experience I have, the more difficulties I've faced, the greater patience I have, the greater decision making ability I possess.BOTTOMLINE- the more the job experience, the lesser my brain's ability to detect bullshit, the lesser the speed with which my intuitive thoughts get converted to actions, the lesser attention I pay to my heart.Naah.Don't convince me.

It's like slow poison.It is started off by letting you know that it is going to be a little difficult at first.But you are distracted.You are literally blinded to the initial warning as you are busy looking at the ostentatious food and accommodation and eventually, the first paycheck. You are curious George." Ah 2 years, somehow easily I can work here, the work experience is important.Yes, whether I like it or not, I should work, because work ex is important.Someone is gonna write good recos for me.I like it or not, I should please him".There starts your compromise, which will pile up one by one on one another.Technically you are expanding your comfort zone.Actually, you are trying to relax in a cage.Technically, you are mixing well with people.Actually, you are trying hard to be one of them.Technically, it's a learning experience.Actually it's utter nonsense.You are giving away living for surviving.Yeah, pick any bird, snatch away it's ability to fly, put him on the land, give him some bird food,and ask how he's doing.Hardships and challenges must be there alright.But picking your battles is what the thing depends on.

" Boy you are frustrated, aren't you? Everyone tells me.What can I do? I do this thing called thinking . And Positive or negative, I'm good at it \m/ .Waiting for a Saturday or Sunday your whole life definitely isn't a very good idea of spending life, is it? Go with the flow it will get you somewhere. Did anyone notice that I was pushed into the river in the first place??

What happened to our mutual friend from the past in college?We both know that his impressions haven't left us.We both know we don't like being bossed around.We both know we are audaciously arrogant.We both know that I may not be and you definitely aren't what he was in matters which matter.Are you married? If yes, were you at least a man enough to marry the girl you wanted.?Nupe I think.You must have, I guess, for you-in my imagination- are society's perfect guy, married your female counterpart- the perfect girl .Do
you know why I am so skeptical about your happiness? Well if you ain't happy now, you must know why.

Wish I knew your answer.The irony you see, you can hear my echoes but I can neither see nor hear you.Whatever I do now will affect you, whereas I'm untouchable in a weirdly logical way.

-I of the NOW!!

The s-p-L-i-t eGo

The most terrible of all things that can happen to you is never visible.Well, it is neither contextual nor absolute.It is rather something that is impossible to corner and define.It is felt when all your thoughts fight among one another to stand out and fill the void of a decision.It is when each idea refutes another and all are right, that you reach the ultimate dead-end.

It did happen to me, and does to this day.One such example is glaring at me right now.We are aware of people who were passionate about something and ended up becoming something else( reasons being family problems, monetary issues and so on) , and are still successful.To begin with, I've always thought, " How can they live with that?"Is there no Ego in them? If you view them through Ayn Rand's lens, they are visible as the second-handers( no need to explain as the term itself is weird).In the conventional thinker's view, they are great, for they have sacrificed their dreams for a higher purpose.Fine! nothing wrong in it.The former perspective has a "self" , while the latter doesn't have a "self",is the inference gathered.To make it brutal, replace the "self" with ego.

I've seriously pondered my brains over to decide who is right.I then realized there was no right or wrong, there was only Ego,and what all mattered to it.Though it is stereotyped to be an arrogant word,common sense says it isn't.I'd say the ego is split into 2 domains.The ego-in-itself and the ego of presence.The unintended inference of my theory is that everyone who breathes in and out suffers from possesses a split personality: Each facet driven by the respective egos.( Magnitudes don't matter)

When you are alone in your mental space and when the only person you want to impress is yourself, the ego-in-itself drapes your personality.However when you are in a group, or an organization, or competition or when there is a hell of a crowd in your mind space,you are at first coerced to and later accustomed to wear the mask of the ego-of-presence, which appears when you step outta your skin outta insecurity or any other authentic driving factors, and forays into the space that divides one man from another.This act of stepping out is at first very gingerly but it is applauded and praised which gives you instant happiness, as drugs do.You are high, you want more.Like all addicts, you eventually reach a point where it doesn't work anymore.You get stagnated, the journey back to yourself is too damn hard.So a successful stock broker who always wanted to be a musician might toil hard during day, but might quietly slip back into himself in the silence of the night and play a song to his suppressed dream .Anyway, it is the constant competition between the two ego-traits and the pattern of wins and defeats that illuminate your character.

You might get fed up with the 2nd trait but you can never be de-obsessed with the ego-in itself.That's how it is,All my life I've seen the 2nd trait to be predominant in almost all the people I know.The remaining few are of course,not really making their presence felt but rather feeling their own presence and smiling at themselves.


PS. Ego is cliched.Agreed.